The Cacographer

80th street (Draft #2 (Seriously, help me fix this))

The day is leaking
from the eastern horizon,
spilling west toward the sun,
dragging the dregs of streetsigns
simulacrums of lamposts
and etchings of trees.

And I, sucked along
the spilled light,
walk, scuttling shadows
and broken leaves between
my feet, turning over
and over my hands.

Windswept of traffic and heedless,
the blacktop hibernates,
frozen and without,
and I, elbows deep,
touch that band of silver
in my pocket.

And I,
knowing well you're
in a white room greying,
rubbing your red
and swollen finger,
I keep walking

okay, I hate the word pocket. I wanted to use 'slacks' or 'pants' or even 'trousers' but then it sounds like I'm wearing a cockring or something. Also, the last stanza's all awkward. I want six lines and an emphasis on 'I', but it any suggestions are helpful.

I'm also not sold to that title. I was thinking "Tempest," but it might be a little too loaded.

posted by OrangeDrink @ 1:59:00 AM